It is official. I am old-fashioned. The climate of this world in recent days, weeks, months, and even years has been leading down a path of modernization I do not like. No, I’m not referring to technological advances, tastes in entertainment, or political concerns such as healthcare availability, marital or reproductive issues, constitutional arguments, and world domination.
What concerns me, is the loss of civility.
Civility is defined as “politeness and courtesy in behavior or speech.” In today’s world, I believe this extends to written communication as well. Other words for civility would be courteousness, politeness, graciousness, respect, and consideration.
It seems that everywhere I look, outside of my own social circle (and sadly, sometimes within it), I witness rashness, dishonesty, rudeness, inflexibility, self-centeredness, and disrespect. Sometimes it makes me angry, but most often it just makes me sad. So in an effort to lift my own mood, I am reaching out to you today to ask you to be the engine of change. Let’s all try to become a bit more “old-fashioned.”
Here’s my suggestion. Each day, for the next week, choose one of the following adages (passed on by parents and grandparents), then actuate it in all your personal and interpersonal encounters. Then a week from now, focus on another axiom. In week three choose another. I guarantee in six weeks you will be improving your everyday life as well as the lives of many people around you. I believe that these small changes in my own behavior can spread and become the change the world so desperately needs. If your own parents or grandparents have not soothed you with these little tidbits, please accept my advice as tenderly as it is given.
• If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. This applies to your own interior messages as well as your social media, texting, and school/work/play interactions. If you become gentle with yourself, you might just be more compassionate with others. Stop using derogatory words like dumb, stupid, ignorant, ugly, etc. in regard to yourself or others. Above all, please keep crude language for the times you really need it, like when you stub your toe in the middle of the night. You have every right to your own thoughts, opinions, and feelings, but remember that it is always good to examine those interior workings before you make them public. That leads us to the next adage.
• Think BEFORE you speak (or write), and definitely before you post!! Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, have made it much too easy to make a fool of yourself. Please THINK before you say or write something that you might regret tomorrow. I read a meme which proposed that word as an acronym for the five questions we should ask ourselves before we say or write anything…Is it TRUE? Is it HELPFUL? Is it INSPIRATIONAL? Is it NECESSARY? Is it KIND? The amount of social bullying which takes place through the internet is completely unacceptable. I really believe that if more people would consider these questions before articulating their thoughts and feelings (or typing them) there might be less obnoxious tweets, less embarrassing disclosures, less suicides, and more positivity overall. This directly relates to a key doctrine voiced by dozens of religions and philosophies around the globe.
• Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. In recent years, I have heard people say, “Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you.” That statement reflects a creeping cynicism and growing negativity. I recently read a great meme from Mandy Hale which said, “The less you respond to rude, critical, and argumentative people…the more peaceful your life will become.” If you are more peaceful, you will be stronger and more able to ignore opinions which conflict with your own. Before you say (or type) anything, take a moment to think about how, if circumstances were reversed, you might want someone to respond to you. No one enjoys being ridiculed, berated, cursed or criticized. You may tell yourself that you are voicing the truth, trying to be helpful, or that you are trying to inspire and your commentary is “necessary,” but the BIG question is, “Are you being KIND?” This leads me to another old-fashioned maxim.
• Honesty is the best policy. In this regard we should never out-and-out lie, spread falsehoods, or “spin” information that has the potential to harm or hurt others, advance our own agenda, or protect our own skin. (We used to call that telling a “white lie.”) Indeed, honesty is desirable, but must always be tempered by love and selfless intention. I have been the recipient of both, genuinely humble and brutal honesty, and I can tell you that “a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.” Brutal honesty, may make the speaker feel better (or self-righteous), but generally the untempered comments wound the recipient. The brutal nature of the comment provides little opportunity for healing and growth. If gentle and truly loving honesty becomes our motivator, the way we think and act, will gradually change, which leads to the next axiom.
• Actions speak louder than words. I can speak the truth with love and understanding every minute of every day, but unless I allow that love to permeate my life and spur me to action, they are just empty mutterings. Frank Outlaw, the former president of a store chain, summed this up very well when he said, “Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.” Your life has purpose! No matter where you come from or where you have been, you can decide how you will live this moment in order to create a fulfilling life. This leads to my mother’s favorite advice.
• Leave it better than you found it. It need not be a dramatic change. Placing discards in a trash bin, wiping up soap or water spills around the sink in a restroom, saying “Please” and “Thank you” when communicating with family members, shopkeepers, postal workers, bank employees, doctors, nurses, (literally anyone who provides a service to you) will improve one little corner of the world. Gestures as small as opening a door for someone, returning things you have used back to their proper place, recycling, being kind and sharing a smile, always makes things better.
I hope the weeks ahead, find you thinking, speaking, writing, and acting, with positivity, gentleness and, above all, kindness. May each moment provide and opportunity for you to be a bit more old-fashioned along with me!