Back in “the day,” Burger King had a promotional jingle that said, “Have it YOUR way, have it your way at Burger King!” I have been thinking about that jingle a lot these days. It came to mind when Sarah Sanders-Huckabee was refused service at a restaurant. Since that day, I have had many conversations with friends, in-person and on social media. It seems that some have, for over a year, been posting generous support for the baker who refused to make a wedding cake for a gay couple. The argument goes something like this, “It is my business. I have a freedom of religion. I object to your beliefs. Therefore, I should not have to serve you.” Those same people are now aghast that Ms. Sanders would be refused service.

Today, over 18 months since Mr. Trump became our president, people are complaining about how poorly he is being treated and demanding that the office of president should always receive respect. The irony is that these comments are from the same people who, for eight years, said (and still say) terribly hateful things about our former president.

Here is my point. To rebut the Burger King promo, when it comes to global issues, YOU CAN’T HAVE IT YOUR WAY! If someone criticized Mr. Obama, he/she should not be surprised when others criticize Mr. Trump. If the office of president demands respect, then that respect should have been granted across the board.

The Supreme Court has recently ruled that the baker I spoke of earlier had the right to refuse service to a gay couple. How is that different from a restauranteur refusing service to a political figure on the grounds of differing religious beliefs? How is that different from a Muslim business owner refusing service to a Jew or a Catholic? Folks, it is a very slippery slope! Our country has the separation of church and state for a good reason! I don’t know about you, but I have no desire to live in a theocracy!

I just had a long social media conversation, which quickly descended into bullying through blatant assumptions, accusations, political finger-pointing, and name calling. The irony is that the original post was a statement against bullying which was promoting civility and kindness. What is happening to our nation?

Our own president has urged people to punch others with no repercussions or retribution. Representative Maxine Waters has retaliated by urging people to physically “push back” against members of Mr. Trump’s administration. You can’t have it your way! If a Trump supporter punches another person, that supporter should be arrested for assault, and the president should not be condoning that type of violence. Our representatives should be working toward peaceful resolutions. If demonstrators “push back” and become disorderly or violent, they should plan to go to jail (as many did during the political demonstrations of the 1960s). As American citizens, we have the right to PEACEFUL assembly. We have the blessing of freedom of speech, but it comes with a responsibility. That freedom does not allow anyone to yell “Fire!” in a crowded theatre. The fact that our leaders are advocating and promoting physical violence is not acceptable! Do we want to put our families through another Civil War?

It is time to stop standing on the outer edges of the continuum of ideologies. We ALL need give a little and work toward understanding and empathy. We can disagree without name-calling and physical altercation. I have had many highly charged, yet rational discussions, with people of differing opinions. Those discussions are possible! It takes primarily the willingness to see yourself in the other person. It also takes patience, civility, listening skills, and self-control, items in short supply these days. I assure you, we are more alike than we are different.

Civil/rational discourse is ALWAYS welcome! It challenges our own in-grained thoughts and beliefs, and propels us toward a wider perspective. I get it, that type of discussion demands reading, study, and thought. That all takes time. Media-spin and blatant lies are so prevalent that it can take hours of research to get to the bottom of a particular issue. Social media memes, tweets, and sound bites never fathom that depth. It is much easier to watch 60 seconds on the nightly news than to read a six page in-depth article. Yet how much time do you spend each day posting, tweeting, and forwarding without first thinking critically. I find that I am spending more and more time searching to find the one grain of truth on the vast beach of hyperbole and fear mongering. It is not easy, but it is worth it.

The reality is that most national and global situations are so complex that, even after several hours of research, there are no easy solutions that can be condensed into a meme or tweet. The best explanations I have read regarding any recent news development have been several pages long! I’ve also had many lengthy philosophical conversations about current events that have ended in agreeing to disagree, because there were no clear cut solutions. When you honestly work toward courageous compromise, everyone wins some and everyone loses some. I guess that is the only way you can have it BOTH ways!

I think most of us have been there. It is a beautiful day and you are driving down the road listening to your favorite tunes, conversing with your family members. Suddenly you see a blue flashing light behind you and realize you are about to be detained by an officer of the law. You pull over, try to stop your heart from pounding, and begin searching for your driver’s license and auto registration. The officer comes over to your window and says, “Do you know why I stopped you?” You reply, “I’m not quite sure.” You go through the drill…license…registration….

The officer says, “Please wait in your vehicle.” Before you know it, the officer has returned and says to you, “You know I got you on radar doing 45 in a 35 mile an hour zone.” You reply, “I’m very sorry, I thought the limit had shifted to 45 a few miles back.” The officer then says, “Please, this is an area where it can be dangerous to drive at that speed. There are school busses that come through here and the locals cross the road planning on drivers doing the correct speed limit. Our town wants you and your family to be safe. I am just giving you a warning. Please proceed with more caution and watch the signage more carefully. Have a wonderful day!” You breathe a sigh of relief and comment on the kindness and courtesy of the officer. You go on your way with a new found attentiveness, grateful for the officer’s understanding and good advice.

Just for a moment, let’s think of the same scenario, except when the officer returns to your vehicle he demands that you and your family get out of the car and be hand-cuffed and frisked. He says, “I am taking you into custody. You broke the law. You were speeding by driving 45 miles an hour in a 35 mile an hour zone. A fellow officer removes your 2-year-old from the carseat and hands the toddler to another officer who has arrived to take custody of the child. Your grandmother who is in the back seat is hand-cuffed and taken to the other cruiser. You ask the officer, “Why is my family being arrested for my crime?” The officer curtly replies, “It is a law passed by the United States Congress.” The officer continues, “If you don’t like the law, tell Congress to change it. I am only here to enforce the law. That is my job to lock up all you lawbreakers.” You and your family have been separated and quickly taken to jail, you are detained and must face prosecution to the full extent of the law. You don’t know where your child or grandmother have been taken. You begin to think of ways to retaliate and possibly break more laws.

I know that immigration law is complicated. I realize that the security of our borders is an important value to protect. Still, my heart is troubled by the fact that our country appears to be on a slippery slope which begins with disrespect for certain persons, and is provoking greater acts of violence. I am concerned that our federal administration is focused on “enforcing” (or is it exploiting) the laws that exist rather than applying those laws humanely.

I value law. It is a glue that keeps our society functioning, when differences of opinion are expressed. I also know that there are many debates over the morality of some of our current laws. The debates over abortion, same sex marriage, and other hot button issues challenge, whether a law can be valid if it supports acts thought to be immoral. To frame the argument in another way, should all laws generate from one particular moral perspective or is the law developed to assist in the recognition of an unwritten moral imperative? I’m not here to participate in that debate. There are persons, much wiser than I, who will cover that topic completely. I am merely pondering that, if we were more careful of our language, would it not change our attitudes and contribute to what “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control”? St. Paul called those the fruits of the Holy Spirit.

I wonder, if our administration dedicated itself to applying the law in a humane way (as the officer in the first scenario did) could we still accomplish our goal of a safer border and care for those seeking asylum? I believe that our current administration may be too focused on enforcing the law (as the officers in the second scenario did). Could this hard-line “zero tolerance” policy be promoting even more civil unrest and disobedience? What if the focus was application of the law and not enforcement. Would a simple word change inspire our government to a different way of dealing with troublesome or dangerous situations?

I would have to agree with many of our first ladies, including Melania Trump, that children are precious and need to be protected and nurtured by responsible parents. We need law, but we also need “heart” and wisdom in our application of that law.

In my own deliberations, I often force myself to play devil’s advocate. Therefore, I have asked myself is our administration applying the wisdom of Solomon, instructing that a baby be cut in half, to determine who is the rightful mother? However, because of the general rhetoric of this administration, I find myself thinking that there is a more sinister political agenda behind this most recent zero-tolerance enforcement of law. Much of what is publicly said today is directed against human beings (particularly poor human beings) with an arrogant and cruel cynicism. The emphasis is generally placed on force and power.

I am old enough to know that, in the short-term, there is little I can do to make sweeping changes to this current situation, but there is much I can do. I can read…read…read…the various political perspectives and research the statistics that are quoted (most often without any sources). I can notify my congressional representatives, based upon my own research and conscience. I can support groups who have the knowledge and wisdom to address this issue more concretely. I can financially support any agency that reaches out to help and understand the life of a refugee/detainee. I can spend time looking for other ways to promote the America I want for my grandchildren.

For the health of my own psyche, I must also look toward the long haul and not lose hope for the return of a more diplomatic outreach to all those who cross legal lines. I can try to understand why our current administration shakes hands with a known murderer and self-aggrandizing dictator, but can not proactively reach across our borders to find a better solution?

For now, I will focus on the action that is most helpful for our world. I will smile at a stranger, and reach out my hand to a neighbor in need. I will try to understand the fear and xenophobia, which is fueling the hateful and angry rhetoric. I will make every effort to be truthful and kind in my thoughts, words, and actions. I will read and research to try to sort through the political rhetoric and hyperbole. I will praise those who work so hard to make and apply humane laws, and call to task those who abuse wealth, power, and position. In all things my foundational anthem will be “Do unto others, as you would have done unto you.”

So…are YOUR Christmas decorations still up? Today I turned on the radio hoping to bask in the afterglow of a beautiful Christmas, only to be bummed out by the fact that my local “Lite FM” station has ceased playing “holiday” music. Should I mention they began playing carols on November 10th?! My own opinion is that Christmas music should begin right on (or just after) Thanksgiving and continue until at least New Year’s Day.

I also read a blog today by a person who takes down their Christmas decorations on December 26th and refuses to play any holiday music after midnight! What’s up with that??

I admit that I also have a tough time with the fact that Christmas is being commercialized several weeks before Halloween, and today, a mere 24 hours after December 25th, the stores are already erecting Valentine displays. I recall the days I would shop on December 26th to get my Christmas wrapping paper and such at half price. Last year I went out on December 27th and all the Christmas “goodies” were gone!! The store personnel informed me that the “sales” had taken place the week BEFORE Christmas!!

As all my regular readers know, I am a Catholic and find value in my religious traditions. For most of my life, my family has observed the seasons of Advent, Christmas, and the entire 12 days of Christmas. We place our Advent wreath on the First Sunday of Advent and decorate progressively throughout the following four weeks. We take our decorations down AFTER the Feast of the Epiphany (a.k.a. “The Three Kings”). However, there was the year I had my hysterectomy in December and we were still sweeping up tinsel on Valentine’s Day!

Several years ago, we visited my husband’s sister in Arizona at the end of April. We had travelled across the country to be there to support her during her husband’s funeral. We were quite surprised to see that her Christmas tree and village were still on display. It turns out that his illness had prevented her from the “luxury” of dismantling the decorations. Strangely enough, the presence of those joyous trappings led us to long discussions about the most recent holiday and all those in the past. The presence of the creche somehow brought comfort in a time of great sorrow.

This year I a have been pondering several homilies and articles I read during this past Advent season. They emphasized how important it is, in a religious sense, to make every day Christmas. If I truly believe that Christ is ALIVE, in and among the the People of God, then His spirit is continually being born in us each day!

So, to paraphrase Joshua, “as for me and my house,” Christmas carols are acceptable any time of year and we will continue to wish “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year” for at least eleven more days! Come to think of it, since our temperatures here in the Midwest are currently below zero, and our outdoor manger scene is frozen solid, we may still have our exterior decorations up until Easter!! In the meantime, “Merry Christmas, Everyone!”

Okay! Today is the day for a confession. I have, in my younger years, had too much to drink! When I was a younger, I had no idea what my body would feel like when I drank alcohol. My first “hangover” was a real shock. I had no idea that the dreamy feelings I had the previous evening could become a nightmare the following morning! So, you would think that the next time I was at a party, I would know better and stop consuming alcohol BEFORE I felt buzzy and giggly. Once again, I missed all the signals and paid the price the following day. It is said that “third time is the charm.” After my third hangover experience, I was determined that I would never be intoxicated again. I finally had learned that the price of the party was not worth the suffering of the following day. I also began to realize that drunkenness was not remotely attractive, even prior to the nausea, vomiting, and pounding headache. I am glad to say, I did learn. I found that I could have a wonderful time without excessive alcohol consumption. I learned to enjoy the flavor of a single glass of wine, a small cup of spiked cider, or a refreshing Mango Mai Tai, but had no desire to drink myself into a stupor.

Right about now, you are asking, “What is the reason for this confession?” My point is, individuals and societies have the capability to learn that behaviors and beliefs can be counterproductive. Human beings have the ability to discover, reconsider, and change thoughts and actions. Throughout history, humankind has made mistakes over and over, but sometimes the consequences have made us become wiser.

I admit, there are many human faults we have not outgrown. Our personal and societal tendencies toward anger, greed, laziness, envy, jealousy, gluttony, and lust are still the underlying causes for most self-interest and disagreement in our world. Still, we continue to strive to find a code of law and moral action that benefits both the person and society. It is difficult to think that, at one time, the notion of “an eye for an eye” was a legal concept which actually provided an improvement over ever-escalating revenge. The stipulations of the Geneva Conventions improved the civil treatment of people during wartime. The laws supporting a woman’s right to vote, as well as civil rights for all, were certainly improvements in how men and women interact in our society.

Today, most individuals and many societies have awakened to the evils of slavery, the value of personal freedoms, and the benefits of female participation in decision making. We have a long way to go to achieve true respect for the gifts of every human person, but we HAVE made progress, I have personally witnessed these advances in my own lifetime. (For more on that topic, look back to my blog “The Good Old Days?” https://grandmasdoor.com/2016/05/02/the-good-old-days/ .)

Here is just a small slice of the real world through history. In the 15th century BCE, Thutmose III and Amenhotep II tried to obliterate Queen Hatshepsut’s name from history. She was their own mother/grandmother. Leaders in the Roman empire (and others) regularly crucified and butchered people. Eleventh century church leaders waged war in order to grasp greater power. Early explorers looked upon native populations as inhuman savages. Our founding fathers were slave holders. Early settlers and native populations killed each other for territory. Today, all these actions are outrageous and we recognize them as brutal and in error. Yet, the actions were common in the the respective eras, and the larger population either did not have the power, inclination, or wisdom to change those ideas and behaviors. Somewhere along the line, wisdom and learning won out and these actions were called out as evil and misguided. I feel we should examine the strengths and weaknesses of our progenitors, but it is unfair to judge them according to the understandings and sensitivities of our current time period.

This line of thought impacts all the arguments presently being made regarding memorials, civic holidays, and the reinterpretation of history. As centuries pass, we often discover unpleasant truths about some of our heroes. Given enough time, most famous people are found to have feet of clay. When I was a girl, we admired (almost worshipped) President John F. Kennedy. In my adult years, the revelations surrounding his womanizing were jarring. However, after thought and reflection, I realized we all have our faults and I began to appreciate his leadership without ignoring his human frailty.

I will always support the desire to tell the ENTIRE story. I believe that details of history should always be balanced alongside the mindset of the original participants. History needs to be taught in comparison and contrast to current codes of ethics and morality. For example, when we tell the story of medical advancement, we should relate the brutal facts along with the laws and morality that allowed those actions. Early physicians enlisted the services of grave robbers before people had the desire and means to donate bodies to scientific investigation. During the Civil War, limbs were amputated, often without anesthesia. Barbers extracted teeth, before the advancement of dental science. Husbands committed their wives to mental asylums, because of marital disagreements or the onset of menopause. Doctors used prisoners as human guinea pigs to advance new treatments. In our minds, these practices and many others are barbaric, but it was not so in the respective centuries. Ethics surrounding scientific advancement favored knowledge over persons. If you doubt that, read The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks.

Our knowledge is continually expanding. When I was in high school, I was taught that there were 3 parts to the cell and 3 parts to an atom. My grandchildren are learning that there are many layers to each of those cell structures and that the atom is much more complex. In high school, I never heard of gluons or quarks. It was not that textbook writers were lying or insidiously hiding information. The books contained only the general information a high school student needed to know.

It has been said that history is always told by the victors. When I consider the statues and monuments erected in bygone days, I always try to get into the mindset of those who chose to memorialize the person or event. I try to see the human story behind the monument. It doesn’t eliminate the reality that those monuments are being reinterpreted in the light of current information. It makes me wonder how future generations will examine the actions we are taking in this first quarter of the twenty-first century. I wonder who will be considered “victorious” four hundred years hence. Will our children’s children feel the need to tear down the and “debunk” the histories or “her-stories” being written today?

It has taken me sixty-five years to begin to understand my own motivations. I have to admit that suppositions regarding my ancestors’ motivations will never be completely accurate. Still, I continue to learn how to forgive shortcomings, my own and that of my forebears. I focus my attention on strengths and admirable qualities. I certainly hope that my great-great-grandchildren will look back at my lifetime with the same understanding and empathy. I hope that they will see that my generation did the best we could with the knowledge and understanding we had. I hope that they will see beyond the short-sighted weaknesses and ignorance. I hope they will emphasize the times we acted with courage, generosity, and concern for others. As the poet says, “Hope springs eternal!”

Everywhere you look, people are weighing in on the terrible violence in Charlottesville, Virginia. In my opinion, the violent interaction is another example of the inability of extremists to discuss differences without hyperbole, anger, and physical altercation. It made me very sad to see a counter protester carrying a sign which read, “The only good Nazi is a dead Nazi.” That kind of hatred only intensifies the atmosphere of violence.

I am a child of the 1950s and 60s. My dad was too old for military service when the U.S. entered World War II, but his two brothers “saw Europe on the American plan.” My one uncle was even taken Prisoner of War. I’m certain, if they were faced with the Nazi flags and slogans that triggered the backlash in Virginia, they all would have been in the front lines of the anti-Nazi protesters. So I understand the gut reaction that swastikas trigger.

I have also lived through the assassinations of President John F. Kennedy and his brother Robert Kennedy, Dr. Martin Luther King’s March on Selma. I lived in Chicago during the riots at the 1968 Democratic Convention and subsequent to Dr. King’s assassination. I witnessed the use of the National Guard troops to keep the peace. I know the fear experienced when curfews are imposed and military vehicles and soldiers fill the streets. I had hoped that our society would learn from history and find better ways to deal with disparate beliefs. The incident in Virginia and our president’s comments in its wake prove to me that we have a long way to go. I admit the rhetoric and activity of recent days has rekindled that fear. Still, I am tapping into my inner fortitude and making every effort to step-up my vocation to be a peacemaker.

I understand the sentiment of those who still carry the emotional and psychological scars of the Civil War, generations after that conflict ended. As a Caucasian, I can’t begin to know how much pain Confederate statues can inflict. Still, I question the knee-jerk reaction of tearing down that statuary. Just as there were permits and public input when these monuments were erected, I think the removal should include a public majority vote of the city’s population. Removing a statue without permission, (especially when the artwork is destroyed) is nothing less than an act of vandalism. I’m sad that the mayor of Baltimore has felt compelled to remove statues in an pre-emptive effort to ward off outbreaks of violence and protect the historic art.

When we visited Gettysburg, we were told that it was decades before confederate monuments were added to that battlefield because Union veterans felt that the “losers” didn’t deserve monuments. It is ridiculous that people today are in conflict over statues of Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson because, during his lifetime Lee himself opposed monuments with these words, “As regards the erection of such a monument as is contemplated, my conviction is, that however grateful it would be to the feelings of the South, the attempt in the present condition of the country, would have the effect of retarding, instead of accelerating its accomplishment; of continuing, if not adding to, the difficulties under which the Southern people labour.”

It was more than 40 years after the war when people and veterans understood that healing could only happen with forgiveness. The time had arrived when confederate monuments could be added to that battlefield in recognition of the lives lost on both sides. These monuments also provide a visual representation of the historic positions and strategies of that awful battle.

Today, it might be helpful to contemplate the conclusion of Abraham Lincoln’s address on that battlefield, “It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”

The pendulum is swinging backward and we need to hold on tightly to the advances our country has made since the Civil War. We have a long way to go to live up to the ideals of a government of, by, and for all people, but hatred, anger, and violence will not advance that cause.

I am extremely saddened by the fact that our president did not clearly declare that he objected to his name being used in “Hail Trump” salutes accompanied by Nazi hand gestures. His acceptance of the former KKK Grand Wizard’s praise is also disappointing. As our president, he needs to unequivocally eliminate any suspicion that he is favoring the hateful rhetoric these separatists spew in his name.

There was no peaceful assembly in the Charlottesville demonstration. The homegrown extremists, gathered from other states, put all the people of that city in danger. From their non-permitted torchlight parade on Friday to the armored and gun carrying march on Saturday (I doubt those specifics were on the permit application) an attitude of rage, hatred, and combat were all too evident. I realize “open carry” is permitted in Virginia, but it only increased the intimidation and fear in the crowd. The city officials tried to rescind Saturday’s permit and defuse the situation to no avail.

We must remember the words of Edmund Burke, “The only thing needed for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.” The incendiary actions of the extremists on Friday evening, caused a necessary objection that sadly resulted in personal injury and loss of life. I regret that the opposition had no time to be schooled in controlled non-violent response, but Nazi ideology can not be allowed flourish or triumph.

It is also important to keep matters in perspective. The number of separatists/extremists in Charlottesville was less than 300! The vast majority of people in this country may have disagreements, but little appetite for rage and physical violence. The abundance of commentary regarding last week’s demonstrations proves this.

Last night on PBS I witnessed an interview featuring two young leaders who provided sterling examples of the goodness and rationality we need to emulate. I hope you will access the interview and focus on the hope embodied therein. http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/secessionist-black-nationalist-pledge-peaceful-dialogue-charlotteville/

Peace be with each of you!